I Heart Carbs

I was going to write a post about how much I love carbs. I was partway through when I remembered an editorial in my college newspaper that pretty much said everything I was going to say. Thanks to the permanence of the Internet, I found the article out of the Collegio in their archives. Here’s the link to the article in context.

And here’s the text. Enjoy. 🙂

 “L’eggo my Eggo, I Want My Carbs!”
by Kristen Currie

I can stay silent no longer.

When my precious carbohydrate became blacklisted by the health-conscious, I said nothing. When the Atkins insanity began producing low-carb bread, I bit my tongue.

But now Eureka Pizza has gone too far.

The inexpensive pizza chain, best friend to college students across the Midwest, has introduced the “Skinny Pie.” This pseudo-pizza, comprised of layers of meat and cheese baked in an aluminum pan, is the latest offering being touted as “health” food because it has few carbohydrates.

Now I’m no stranger to the method or the madness of the Atkins diet. I’ve even eaten according to its low-carb tenets myself, thanks to my mother’s brief flirtation with the diet.

For several excruciating days, my mom, normally an evangelist for vegetable-laden meals, dolefully served dinners that will exclude her from PETA membership for life: pieces of steak the size of a toaster, bowls of brisket, and masses of dehydrated beef to gnaw on as a snack. For me, the end result was the most intense craving for broccoli that I’ve ever experienced.

Despite my distaste for the protein-heavy diet, I know perfectly well that it has resulted in weight loss for many, many people. I wish them all the best and I congratulate them on successfully deflecting anemia.

But even though the Atkins diet has produced some good, it is also responsible for systematically destroying Americans’ conception of a proper diet. Now, by virtue of possessing few carbs, anything can parade around as “health food.”

Take the Skinny Pie.

There are four varieties of Skinny Pie, one of which is the “Meat Fest,” a tin consisting of cheese, sauce, pepperoni, sausage, ham and beef. It’s only got 7 carbohydrates for each serving, hence its ability to bear the title of “skinny.”

But the rest of the nutritional facts of the Meat Fest would suggest otherwise. One serving packs 356 calories and contains over half of the recommended saturated fat and sodium for a day. And, of course, we all stick to just one serving size…

I don’t claim to know everything about nutrition or healthful living. But I do know that laughter is good for health, and I think it’s about time we focused that laughter on ourselves. When we, as a collectively dieting nation, get to the point when we label a bucket of saturated fat as a “Skinny Pie,” it’s time to mock ourselves.

Because there is something fundamentally ironic or moronic about the “Skinny Pie,” and either way, our best option is just to laugh.


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