Faux Foodie Friday

Two of the guys I work with have been talking about this new restaurant for weeks. It’s their new favorite place, and they’ve already asked me to go with them several times. “It’ll be great!” they said. “You can review it on your blog!” they said…not because they actually read my blog (or at least, I don’t think they do) but because I have jabbered about reviewing  restaurants on at least one occasion.

And I resisted, because my plan was to cover the restaurants on the West end and then work my way up Main Street. There are a plethora of restaurants on the other side of the Reedy just waiting for me to patronize them — Saffron’s Sidewalk Cafe, Brick Street Cafe, Smoke on the Water, Red Clay Cafe, Mary’s, surely others that I can’t recall but end with the word “cafe”…what’s that? Disrupt my meaningless plan to eat lunch with actual people and have actual conversation? Hmph.

This week, I finally allowed “practicing my social skills” to win over my “read a book in the corner like a loner” tendencies. I went with the guys to the “Greek Place.”

The “Greek Place” turned out to be Kozani, an Italian/Greek restaurant that has “recently” (I mean that in a very “ish” sense…it’s been there for months and possibly at least a year) opened across the street from Sticky Fingers. I can’t remember what used to occupy this space before…the turnaround in downtown Greenville is sadly quick and I’ve given up keeping track of all the restaurants and shops that come and go. And very unfortunately, if my experience at Kozani is any indication, they may not be around for long.

There is also the possibility that the bad experience may be (mostly) my fault. Let’s examine the evidence…

First, I reasoned that “Italian” came first in the name because it was their specialty. Otherwise, my technical writer brain insisted, things would have proceeded in alphabetical order. This despite the fact that “Kozani” was fairly obviously a Greek word. Eh. Thus assured, I ordered the Tortellini off the Italian side of the menu.

Almost immediately afterwards, I regretted this decision. Some delicious-looking pitas and hummus were delivered in individual bowls to the table next to ours and I became irrationally envious. There was a hummus entree? I want that! Why do I continually miss opportunities to enjoy pureed chickpeas? I wanted to steal their food…or take my order back. 

Forty-five minutes later, we were still waiting for my boiled pasta and the guys’ two sandwiches. There appeared to be only two servers, so I was valiantly attempting patience and understanding until a table of ladies who showed up 10 minutes after us were served their food (all cooked dishes, no salads) before us. Then I gave up and settled for perturbed. And wished for pita bread. And enjoyed my free coke (The good news — soft drinks and refills are included with the price of any entree. You know how I love free…). But mostly wished for pita bread in the most perturbed fashion imaginable.

Then, my food arrived. I was prepared to leave off feeling perturbed and prepare to enjoy some food (I do love food), when a bowl of poup (Like that? I totally Rachael Rayed my own food word…it’s like a combo of pasta and soup) splashed down in front of me. The menu said “spinach pasta rings, stuffed with cheese, covered in creamy basil sauce.” It is my fault that I read “tomato” cream sauce and was therefore expecting something orangey, cheesey, and tomato-y. It don’t think it’s my fault, however, that I was not expecting the tortellini to be drowning in a “sauce” with the consistency and taste of skim milk…with bits of dried basil mixed in. Nope. Not my fault at all.

I had my techno-savvy iphone-owning co-worker take a picture. Here it is:


Am I being a brat, or does that look disappointing? Probably both. It’s no secret that I’ve been in a bad mood all week. There were probably only 15 tortellini hiding in the skim milk lake, leaving me still hungry once I had fished them all out, which certainly didn’t help matters.  To continue with my brattiness, I’ll add that the bread fell short of my expectations as well. It was saturated with butter and garlic and made me wish to time travel back to before I placed my order so I could order the hummus! For pity’s sake!

But I could not time travel. All I can do is whine about it, and tell you that if you’re to go there, maybe you should order off the Greek menu. And expect to wait awhile.


2 responses

  1. You weren’t kidding, that really is poup. Not appetizing at all. Mmmm…hummus, I had that for lunch. Seriously.

    What did your friends who like the food have to say?

  2. Oh, I was going to mention that but I forgot because I was being whiny. They were disappointed/irritated too and said it’s usually better than that. I might go back and try the hummus. Because really, how many times can I type the word hummus but not have any?

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