Reasons Why Baseball is Better than Football

The funny thing is, if I were to rank the sports I like to watch, baseball falls pretty far down the list. After two trips to watch two sports in two days this past weekend, however, I’ve come up with some pretty conclusive reasons why (in that instance) (for me) (when I’m pregnant) baseball came out on top.

Reason #1
No cheerleaders. Yeah, ok, there are those girls who prance around on top of the dugouts and occasionally throw things at the crowd. They’re fewer in number and more fully clothed, however, and therefore annoy me less. (I feel like I should mention, since I know one reader is a former cheerleader and another is a coach, that the gymnastics style of cheerleading doesn’t annoy me at all. I think I object more to the term used for professional “cheerleaders” than the actual girls. They aren’t, after all, leading any cheers. Perhaps if they called them “dancers” or “prancers” or something.)

Reason #2
Sweet suites. At the Chiefs game, we were in the upper deck, exposed to the elements (which ok, equated to a light breeze that night). Through no effort on my part, the Royals game was enjoyed from comfort of a suite. Um…yes, please! There was inside seating, outside seating, shade, quick and easy access to bathrooms without lines…pretty much anything you could ask for.

Reason #3
Better food. All I wanted at the Chiefs game was something sweet. I roamed the upper deck searching in vain for a pack of M&Ms, finding only fried and salty foods to pair with massive quantities of beer. Boo. Seriously? No candy AT ALL? Harumph. The Royals concession offerings, by contrast, were wide-reaching and diverse. Ice cream in a miniature helmet? Funnel cakes? Candy? Why, certainly! All this, and everything from BBQ to pizza as well.

Reason #4
Good company. Now, I’m not saying that the company at the Chiefs guy was bad. Well, I should say that everyone in our party at the Chiefs game was delightful, and we had an excellent time. Scott’s brother has about the same sense of humor as him, so it was highly entertaining to watch the two of them play off each other. The fella sitting behind me who was trying to impress his date by displaying his farting capabilities, however, I could have done without. Very much done without. Thank goodness they only showed up for part of the 3rd quarter.

At the Royals game, now, you had Trophy Wife. I’ve known this girl since I was all of three years old, so when we get together we can TALK…and talk…and talk…and talk. Whenever Trophy Wife’s husband came over to join in, he’d say, “I feel like I’m always interrupting you two.” I told him to just chime in whenever, because the odds were good that between the two of us there wouldn’t be a quiet moment. Her husband the Birthday Boy was pretty entertaining in his own right, and in terms of rowdy fans we had a fella who informed us that we “shouldn’t let them steal our souls” as he was escorted from the game for yelling pointlessly belligerent things at no discernible target whatsoever. I’ll take that over the Don Juan of Flatulence ANY day.

Reason #5
Um…I think the game was over quicker. That might have just been because I wasn’t paying much attention, but I definitely was in bed earlier than the Chiefs game. Yay, sleep!

What? Did you think the reasons would have anything to do with sports? Chuckle. Silly you.


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