At about this time last year, I was keeping my fingers crossed in a hotel room in Myrtle Beach, waiting impatiently for an announcement as to whether or not I’d be running 26.2 miles. The Board of Directors had already postponed the start once and then announced that further deliberations were needed in order to determine whether or not to have the race at all. Runners were instructed to wait for the 10:00pm news for details.
Waiting for the announcement was agony, and as the minutes following 10:00pm ticked by I grew more and more aggravated. They said 10:00! It’s 10:15…10:20…10:25…this is ridiculous! If I am running tomorrow, I’m going to need some sleep! Grumblegrumblegrumble…
Then, finally, the announcement appeared in a ticker scrolling across the bottom of the screen: MB Marathon Cancelled Due to Weather. Argggggghhhhh!
I thought that was a test of patience (or, perhaps, an indicator of how little patience I have) but let me tell you…waiting to have a baby? Much, much, much worse. The good news is that LilRunr can’t be “cancelled.” His 6-8 pounds of baby-ness aren’t going ANYWHERE. Eventually, someday, I’ll be holding him in my arms. The fact that he’s not going anywhere is, of course, the problem. Every day past my due date has felt like revisiting that patience-testing wait for the marathon announcement all over again. “They told me February 25! FEBRUARY 25!”
I know, I know…babies are under no obligation to show up by their due date. I know, I know…they (particularly babies of first-time mothers) are often late. KNOWING that is different than LIVING it, however. Every day I wonder — will this be the day? Every evening I pout — baby, hurry up! And for the hours in between, everyone from cashiers to family members to my own dear husband walk on eggshells around me, assuming that at any second the labor switch will be kicked on and I’ll need to be rushed to the hospital.
I suck at waiting. It doesn’t help that the only question I hear is, “have you had the baby yet?” It’s sweet that everyone wants to meet this kid, but at the 1,000th or so time the question becomes tedious. “Yes, we had the baby but I’m keeping it secret. Muhahahaha,” thinks sarcastic, cranky Megan. “No, I’m apparently going to be pregnant FOREVER,” whines whiner, drama queen Megan. “Oh dear goodness, not that question again!!!!!” shrieks hanging-on-to-her-sanity-by-a-thread Megan.
Nor does it help that I officially started maternity leave this week. It seemed like a good idea at the time — I had reached good places to finish and/or hand off the projects I was working on, sitting at the computer all day had become a struggle, and there were some things to do around the house that I wanted to get finished up before LilRunr arrived. Now, it sort of feels like I’m cheating the system (On maternity leave? Um…you ARE aware that you haven’t had the kid yet, right?) and the lack of distractions throughout the day is driving me crazy. “Am I going into labor now? How about now? Now? Not now? Maybe now?”
As I already said, I’m not good at waiting. Nevertheless, I’ve postponed induction for as long as my doctor will allow me because I would prefer that LilRunr arrive in his time. Of course…I would also prefer if that time was SOON. Very soon.