Looks Like There’s Only One Thing Left to Do…

The quote from “Major League” ends, “…win the whole f’in thing. I made a discovery this morning that means the quote should end this way for me:

“…get really stinkin’ fast.” 

Because I don’t say those other words. LilRunr, at FOUR MONTHS OLD TODAY, isn’t saying much in the way of coherent English at this point but is definitely wide awake and attentive to everything that’s going on around him. I want his first word to be “mommy,” “daddy,” “kitty,” “dinosaur,” or pretty much anything besides a word that would still get bleeped on TV, so I watch what I say. And I’ve never really been known to drop the F bomb much anyway.


You may have noticed that I’ve spent a lot of time lately blogging about the fast girls who run the same roads as me, and you may remember my pledge to find out more about them and the way I chickened out last week. Yes. Well. In case you missed this oh-so-interesting saga and don’t feel like clicking all the links, here’s where we are: there are two really fast girls that usually show me up. I thought there was just one, but it turns out there are two, and no matter what time I went for a run, for a couple of weeks I’d see both of them. 5:30am? Yes. 4:00pm? Yes. 9:30am on a Saturday? Yes. The girl I refer to as Fast Skinny Girl is obviously the faster of the two, but Scott had never seen her and claimed that Other Fast Skinny Girl was faster. I believe he said, and I quote, “there’s no way there’s another girl in this neighborhood who’s faster.” Well, I knew I was right and I recognize a challenge when I hear one. I made the pledge to find out the PRs of both fast girls and prove my rightness to all and sundry…but most particularly, the Husband. The fact that Fast Skinny Girl has suddenly disappeared certainly complicated matters.

Then, today, something happened that has made me reevaluate my life and say something I absolutely hate to admit:

Husband, you were right.

Ugh, that hurt. Fortunately, he doesn’t read the blog often so if I submerge this post under other stuff quick enough, he may never read that admission. And really, he’s not right that Other Fast Skinny Girl is faster than Fast Skinny Girl. He’s right because of an unexpected twist that I discovered only this morning:


Yes. Three fast skinny girls. All in my neighborhood. What is going on here? And this fast skinny girl (We’ll call her “Bob.” I’m tired of adding adjectives to Fast Skinny Girl.) is at least as fast as the original Fast Skinny Girl. Since she also happens to be much more blonde than Other Fast Skinny Girl, I can only assume that this is who Scott spotted a few weeks ago.

Confused yet? Here’s a helpful roster:

  • Fast Skinny Girl – Fast. Tan. Brown hair. Very skinny. Has a tendency to run without a shirt, which she can totally pull off. Is probably in college or has graduated in the last two years.
  • Other Fast Skinny Girl – Not as fast, but definitely faster than me. Tall. Strawberry blonde-ish hair. Owns lots and lots of matching running outfits. Probably in her mid- to late- 30s and is probably training for the KC Marathon.
  • Bob – Fast. Very blonde hair. Probably in her early 30s. I didn’t notice what she was wearing because I was so dumbfounded that there was another speed racer in my neighborhood. Probably recognizable around KC for winning her age group in every race she enters.

When I saw Bob this morning, my competitive side pitched a fit. “That is it!” What’s it? “Three girls who are faster than you, all in your neighborhood? You’ve been pushed out of medaling…in your own stupid subdivision?” What do you expect me to do about it? I’m the slow, middle-of-the-pack runner now, remember? “Get your butt in gear, woman!” Meehhhhhhhhh… “Oh, come on. Come on come on come on. If you get fast, maybe you can befriend one of these girls and have someone to run with.” Well, that sounds nice. I’d like to run with someone. And being fast again would be kind of fun. “YEAH! And then one day, you’ll enter a race and you’ll totally smoke your running buddy and you’ll be like, ‘hahaha, take that, loser! Bet you never thought I was capable of that when you first saw me in June 2011!'” Well, that’s less nice…but….YEAH! Let’s do it!

Be fast!



Oh, dear.


One response

  1. This is awesome. And hilarious. Good luck with getting fast. I think you’ve inspired me to write my own neighborhood running people story. It’s not nearly as funny but I’ll try.

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