I’m…Helping?

During the Love 2 Run race last month, my brother mentioned that there was going to be a half marathon in this year’s Corporate Challenge. As his place of employment knows that he is/was a distance runner, it’s pretty much inevitable that he will be heading up the “half marathon” team.

This, of course, means that it would behoove little Matty to actually run. Jumping into a 4-miler in -9 degree weather is one kind of crazy…jumping into a 13.1-miler with no training takes insanity to the next level. I offered to send him a reasonable training plan, an offer he was quick to accept and I was just as quick to forget all about. Oops. I blame the teething (LilRunr is getting 3 teeth simultaneously…he’s getting teeth a little later than some kids, so that means it will be fast and furious for the next year or so, when he gets an entire mouthful of pearly whites) and subsequent sleep interruptions. This level of fatigue is not conducive to a fully functioning memory.

This week, brother found out officially that there WILL be a half marathon and he WILL be leading the charge for his company. He relayed this information to me, which reminded me of my earlier promise. I set out to remedy my lack of follow through, and the following instant messenger conversation took place:

Me – Hey, how many days a week do you want to run?

Bro – 3 is probably the most realistic, with one or two of those on the weekend.

Me – I’m gonna plan for 4. Shoot for the stars and whatnot.

Bro – Coolio. What kind of pace are you going to have me run?

Me – Dude, I’m so not in charge of that.

Bro – Then what good are you?

Me – I’m just helping you get your long runs up so you can FINISH.

Bro – I can finish. I could finish right now. Last year I ran 13.1 with a guy from work, and I was in the exact same shape I’m in right now.

Me – That’s because you’re a freak of nature. NORMAL people can’t just go out and run a half marathon.

Bro – So what’s the point of this?

Me – This is your “finish without feeling like death” plan. I’ll give you a NO-PUKE GUARANTEE.

Bro – That’ll work. But how fast do you think I can run?

Me – ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! 

I’d like to think that I’m being helpful, but it would appear that we may not be on the same page. He currently has the NO-PUKE GUARANTEE plan tacked up in his cubicle. As of Monday, he has 11 weeks to train. We’ll see how it goes. 🙂

OH! Brilliant idea in a “mean big sister” kind of way. If I still have any readers, would you all mind chiming in to see what time YOU think a former Division I athlete and kajillion-times state champ should run for a half marathon? If I don’t hear from anyone, I’m going to go with the split time from little brother’s high school rival…when he competed in the marathon trials in January. That’s surely reasonable. Muhahahahahaha…